Recently I became single and am ready tm date again. However. There are a few questions I have for you all...I read Stevw Harvey's book "Act like a lady, think like a man" bit I ja a difficult time getting the nerve to ask the questions he suggested you ask on a first date.
1. What are your short term goals? 2. What are your ling term goals? 3. What are your thoughts on relationships? And here is when you find out if he is did I fail already because I didn't ask them? I mean I know some of the answers already by discussion but not so sure... Also he is older than me, and I think that made me nervous. Lol---any thoughts?

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I saw the movie, but didn't realize there was a real book! We loved the movie, but I've already told you that. This is a good question. I haven't been on the dating scene in, like, 7 years Anyways, I know I would never be able to ask someone those kinds of questions straight out. I think it has to be more organic. Like, see how you feel around them and if you have a good feeling then just get into the conversation. Like, ask about his job, does he like it? If he's not crazy about it, what would he rather be doing? This gets into career short term/long term goals. Does he have roommates or does he live on his own (this could get into conversation about previous living situations and if he's ever lived with a partner, and if so, how serious? Why did it end?)

On the other hand, if you just ask these things out right, then he'll know you're not looking to just mess around and get your heart broken for no good reason. So if he's out just to mess around, he'll probably be freaked out and you won't waste any time, which is probably the point of that book, right? 

It's probably normal to be nervous when it's the first time in a while that you're meeting new people. I don't think age matters unless it matters to you. Enrrico is six and a half years older than me and sometimes we laugh when we hear an old song and he's like "this reminds me of my senior year" and I'm like, ummm I was in 6th grade, but other than that we never think about it. Women mature at a younger age than men so I think older is better. HAHA (I'm not kidding by the way, this is a stereotype of course and there of course are exceptions but this has been my experience)

Hope that helps some, and hopefully some single ladies or formerly single ladies (or men) chip in :)

Thanks, Mar! I agree with you 100% and will def slip in those questions into convo, next date. He is slightly older than 6 years lol...but like I said it doesn't matter to me or him...right now anyway. It is tough to date, at first because you know they are analyzing your every move, ect lol

Hey Mary,

I'd probably think about how I'd feel if someone asked me those questions... & I definitely don't think you failed because you didn't ask them! If they didn't come natural, they didn't come from you, you know? 

My boyfriend is 6.5 years older than me & its never been an issue. Only thing I have told him is that he has to live for as long as I do (no pressure!) :)))

Em that is so crazy! I had no idea that Andy was 6.5 years older than you! I mentioned above it's the same thing with E and I. Is he a capricorn? OMG I'm such an astro dork. lol!

He's a scorpion, so it's actually 6 years and 5 months difference, to be precise ;) I usually just say 7 to other people when he's in hearing distance, so I can be treated to the evil eye *cackle cackle*! So yeah, water signs together here. Are you guys earth?

LOL Enrrico gives me the evil eye, too! No, E is a scorpio as well! We are opposites of the zodiac (I'm May 14, he's November 16) which is really very interesting. But cancer and scorpio is such a nice harmonious match. I can TOTALLY picture you being drawn to scorpio. I wonder if you have any planets in scorpio in your chart. Hmmm 

Thank you for the help :-) I know I completely over analyzed this situation and it's due to my emotions...another discussion lol

Happy dating! I hope it all works out :)

Hey Mary Jean...I think the end of relationships causes both males and females to self-doubt. I agree w Emily that if the questions don't feel natural, then don't ask your best to let the conversation flow naturally...and if the chatter slows, acknowledge that too by keeping it real "silence is awkward lol, tell me about your family lol". I am in a permanent (is anything permanent) relationship w a man 10 years younger than left me ever-wondering if his head would turn for a younger woman? It hasn't happened yet, and we've been friends for 9 years and recently became engaged.
Let your heart out slowly...this way you can trust yourself...and in time your new friend.
Chances are he will be testing the waters the same way...can someone say win-win! Colleen

Such great advice! :)

hi Mary Jean, Here's a fresh point of view from a male. I don't think you should worry about the age difference unless you're talking 30 to 40 yrs then that would be a big no. By the way that movie is awesome. We watched it and bought it right away. Anyway back to the subject: the questions you don't have to ask them in that manner. For example the first question instead of short term goals you should ask him if he's happy with what he's doing depending on his answer you will have your answer for both questions (short term and long term) because if he's really interested in you he will tell you his dreams, what he wants to be, where he wants to go etc. Usually you can tell by how they carry themselves if he's interested. If it's all small talk and he doesn't go in depth with his answers than he's just trying to have fun now. Not everybody is the same however if you're in a couple of dates and you don't get answers like the ones I mentioned then it is up to you if you want to open the cookie jar. After a couple of dates you will see how he feels about relationships and how he plans to leave his life just make sure you have your eyes open and don't take anything the wrong way after all you got the keys to the cookie jar therefore you control the outcome. The religion part will come pretty quick too if you start talking about it he will put his comments there and then it will not be to hard or awkward to ask. Just remember not to be demanding just kind of like putting it out-there hopefully this helps you out. I've been happily out of the game for a long time so maybe the dating world has change a bit.


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