OMG- This morning was chaos. Let me explain. 

I had to drop off some paperwork at the bank we just switched to which is a little bit out of the way. Totally fine. My girl is much better in the car than she used to be (in her earliest days I couldn't even get out of the driveway without her breaking out into hysterics), and I sometimes like the excuse to get a bit off schedule and take a little drive. It's also in the direction of the most amazing health food store EVER - Miller's Natural Foods, so I figured I'd drive an extra ten minutes out of the way to get some of my new favorite beverage: Harmless Harvest's Organic Coconut water, and some ingredients for these brownies I made that Enrrico loved. 

On my way to Miller's, as I got very close, Alessandra started crying a bit. Nothing crazy, but she wasn't happy. Since I still had to go into Miller's, go to the bank AND get home, I was getting a little nervous. Then as I drove up to MIller's I saw that they. were. closed. 

CLOSED! Miller's is an amish owned business and sometimes they close on days that are very random to our culture. Plan A was out the window and A starts crying more. 

As I get to the bank she is in all out hysterics and there is NO calming her down and I want to start crying with her. I get to the bank and put her in my ergo carrier (which usually solves all problems) and she continues to scream. The bank teller says, "Oh I'm sorry I scared her", to which I replied, "No, this is just her doing her thing when she is tired of the car." I was really rude to the bank lady because I was so stressed with a screaming baby strapped on me in a quiet little bank. I actually said "are we done yet?". Ugh, I am mortified with myself. 

So then I get back to the car, turn the vents and heat on, and nurse her in the backseat. Mind you I have one of those nursing covers in my bag but A gets distracted by it and there was nobody in the parking lot so I just started nursing her uncovered. I know this is totally natural and beautiful and lovely but I'm just not comfortable with my boobs out in public. So what happens? Yup, you probably guessed that two trucks pulled up on both sides of my car and 3 men total walked out so naturally I'm freaking out thinking they're looking at my rack. 

Eventually A seems somewhat satisfied and so I put her back in the car seat and go again. She starts crying again. So I pull over, again. She doesn't want to nurse, but she does want to grab and suck on the car seat. LOL

So then we drive again. I turn the music up really loud and the vents as well. I can see her in the baby mirror and see that she's distracted by the sound and cory the caterpillar toy I've hung up for her to play with. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. 

About five minutes later and she's freaking out again. We are right by the grocery store so I stop and decide to walk around the store until she has calmed down. This worked. She was leaning her head back, looking at the grocery store lights, and talking to me in a soft tone saying "aaaah bah bah bah". Even smiling! 

She eventually started chewing on the strop of her carrier and fell asleep. Praise Jesus. 

I was even successful in getting her into the car seat and falling back asleep. I took about five minutes of sitting in the front seat of my car, parked in the driveway, checking my email quickly. Just for a few minutes of quiet before she would wake up from me getting her out of the car seat. 

Miracle of miracles, she fell asleep as soon as I strapped her back on me, but is now waking up. 

Damage done: I spent $40 of unnecessary stuff at the grocery store. But I will be baking stuff which will make the house smell good and Enrrico happy (baking is my stress relief and always has been. Cooking not so much). My new mama inner critic is firing away right now asking me why I was so selfish and impractical to take the extra time to go to MIller's in the first place? 

The good side: I did manage to end the ride on a good note with a sleeping baby, and I will have lots of baking blog material to get me through Thanksgiving, for sure. 

It's fascinates me that I can go from wanting to bawl my eyes with my hysterical daughter to lighting up inside as soon as I see her smile again or smell her breath as she "aah bah bah gah's" in my face. These past few months I have gone back and forth from missing my life when I didn't have a little human being relying on me for all of her basic needs, to relishing every second of it because I see how fast she is changing and how quick she's growing. 

Motherhood is not for the feint of heart. 

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